cariad86’s blog

So how am I progressing with my plans?

Well, I've started to teach myself more about web languages and have more of an idea how to structure my product so I don't spend 40 hours on each adoption. I'm falling more and more in love with CSS.

I've found and half-filled in an enrolment for French classes which I will complete tonight.

So far so good..

Now, it's just a case of finding the motivation to get more active in my life. Gym-time? More social sports? Other activities?

Getting stuck in boring daily routines, day in day out, has always scared me. The thought of becoming one of those people who look at their life 20 years on and go "when did I become boring?" has always sent shivers down my spine. I can't stand boring. Life is just way too short.

So I've always had big plans. The desire not to work full time while still retaining a decent wage. The freedom to spend rainy mornings at home, snuggled in bed, riding or working at 11pm if the fancy takes me. The desire to travel and live overseas - in the UK, France, Italy, Canada and who knows where else.

I put the first part of my plan into motion. I left home and moved to Queensland. I told myself this was my first step into the real world. Moving from my comfy home with my parents, to living by myself. Changing jobs from a comfy university job that I was gifted to a corporate dog-eat-dog position that required me to hone my skills and watch my back.

Then when I'd completed those things and settled into my new place and job, somehow I lost my motivation. I didn't stop dreaming of my original plans, just lost the map of how I was going to get them.

Then last week, my girlfriend suddenly revealed her date for moving to the UK. If we're still together, would that date suit me, she asked. I didn't know. I guessed it did. No reason not to. It scared me though. That she was so far-sighted that she could see 3 years into the future and start a saving regime and understanding things such as freighting companies, etc. I used to be that person - the planner. The organiser. I used to know what I'd need and what my back-up plans were.

Then I started to look at myself and realise that I was stuck in my daily routine. Spending the week longing for the weekend, spending the weekend dreading the week. Weekends are for washing clothes and sleeping in. The week is for working and spending the evenings watching TV.

I am boring.

How did this happen? I don't even go for fun runs on my bike anymore. No evening jaunts around the city streets.

Complacency and lethargy ends here.

I am:

• Moving to the UK.

When:

• 3 years.

I would like to ... before I go:

1. Have a decent amount of savings
2. Learn French
   
3. Have some kind of autonomous business running that will come with me

Therefore I need to:

• Take a French course SOON so I can become fairly proficient before I leave.
• Start my business to:
• Supplement my income
• Provide me with my autonomous business

Plan for the next 2 months:

• Find and enrol in French course.
• Build business website
• Build business product
• Create a marketing plan
• Clock up 500kms of freedom hours on the bike

I will not relinquish my precious time to what is easy and conformist. I will not look back in 10.. 5.. 2.. or even 1 year and go "Yeah, nothing really happened in that year."..

Watch this space.

Which new friendship formed in 2008 is the most special to you? How did that person come into your life?

My girlfriend, Carla. She swept into my life under the pretext of looking for new friends and absolutely blew me away.

What's your favorite thing to eat for Sunday breakfast/brunch?

Bacon, scrambled eggs and toast... mmmm..

What would you attempt to do if you knew you wouldn't fail?
Submitted by Beautifully Broken

Fly!

Tell us how you met your significant other.
Submitted by Luda

I was wandering through the list of 'online members' on GaydarGirls and saw a very pretty girl. Clearly she was new to the site and her profile sounded interesting but I couldn't get over how pretty she was. I closed her profile and decided against messaging her as she was clearly out of my league. 

A couple of days later I saw her online again so I figured "why not? she says she's after new friends".. and sent her a message. She replied with a nice message and her email address. We emailed a few times and she gave me her number and encouraged me to send her some random messages. After one particularly thoughtful message from her on my last day of work, I spontaneously called her. She sounded lovely.

I called her one my first night alone on my roadtrip to Brisbane and we spoke until my phone ran out of battery. Then again the second night and for the majority of my final day of driving.

Then we semi-spontaneously met up on the Queen St. Mall. I panicked when I saw her and completely freaked out, wanting to leave but thanks to my dear friend, we actually got to meet and have coffee.

I went up the coast to have lunch with her the next day feeling calmer and more in control. She was clearly nervous though. I accidentally tripped over her while we were walking to lunch and she caught me and held my hand. All I wanted to do was watch her at lunch but she was clearly still really nervous and commented that she thought I was staring. We found ourselves holding hands as we were walking after lunch and when I found a secluded place (where we weren't going to be busted by retirees), I stopped, pulled her a little closer and kissed her.

We met up later that day back in Brisbane and to my surprise she agreed to spend the night with me, rather than returning to the coast. We spent the night snuggled in each other's arms. We spent the next day together and the following night, while we were out celebrating my household's new "Brisbanites" status, she asked me if I'd be her girlfriend.

What first attracted you to the person you're currently dating?

Firstly? Her good looks.

Then her smile.

Then her eyes.

Then her sense of humour.

Then her cleverness.

Then her intelligence.

Then her confidence.

Then her sense of right and wrong.

Then her sense of responsibility.

Then her kindness.

Then her kisses.

Then her thoughtfulness.

Then her delicate touches.

Then her affectionateness.

Now I'm quite smitten.

Which celebrity confession do you wish stayed private?

All of them. I'm really not interested..

We don't spend time in the same circles so bumping into each other is unlikely.. and because I've decided that you're not worth my time, all that remains is to delete you from my computer and phone.

Your pictures on my phone are the first to go.. I cry like a little girl as I remember that you're never going to be mine and force myself to delete the folder with your pics in it. Thankfully, I was organised and all your pics are in one folder so I can delete the folder and not have to suffer the trauma of seeing your pretty face as I delete each pic in turn. I place the phone aside and leave the room.

Later that day, at work I decide to delete your messages from my phone. I flick through my inbox and realise there's over 900 messages from you. Tears well up and I realise it was probably a mistake to attempt this at work. I sort my messages by sender and check for important messages from other people, save those and then delete everything in my inbox so I won't have to delete all your messages one at a time. I put the phone aside and go sit in the toilets for a little while to regroup. I check myself in the mirror as I leave and notice that my mother was right, I look strained and pale.

Next is the pics from my desktop.. they're not too hard now, I'm getting used to this. I know there's a couple of stray pics in stray folders but I leave them there as a security blanket.

Thankfully, I was also organised with your emails and only have the distress of deleting a folder of your emails. I'm tempted to look at one or two and wish I hadn't as I see your sweet words and are reminded of the good times.

I leave the erasing of you for a while as my heart is bruised from it all.

I come across your stray pics periodically and remind myself that you're not mine and I can't have you as I delete them.

Suddenly, the final blow - you really can't be mine because now you're someone else's. My friends urge me to continue with your abolishment. I hesitate and when I'm asked why, I have no answer. No answer because there isn't one. I'm just clinging to an idea of you.

The last bit of you to go is your MSN. My mouse hovers over the 'block & delete' button. It stays there for such a long time. Finally, I click cancel and then for some reason take you off block. Why did I do that? I wait for you to say something, hoping that with one little 'hi' you can save yourself from being rubbed out completely.

I remember the words of one of my friends, telling me that whatever happens my move to greener pastures should involve a clean slate and I shouldn't let anyone take that from me. I realise that by hanging on to you, my slate will always be a little smeared.. that there's a part of me that will always want to share things with you, things that you no longer have the right to be involved in.

I take a deep breath.. take one last look at your MSN pic.. reblock you and finally delete you.

Now you're gone. I didn't cry like I thought I would. I'm not as distraught as I thought I would be. Maybe I realised that I'd lost you long ago. Maybe I realise you're not worth these feelings. Maybe I'm ok now.

I like the world. I like living in a technology-filled, western world. Don't get me wrong, I'm not so unaware to realise that there is a lot wrong with it - there is war, greed, needless death, destruction, etc. but overall, I like this era.

What I don't like about it, and bitterly lament the loss of, is honour, duty and respect.

Honour - Dictionary.com tells us that honour is "honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions" and that about sums up my view. Honour is about doing the right thing, not just because you might get caught but because it's the fair thing. To not cheat or lie, even when it means you might miss out or come second to someone else.

Duty - Dictionary.com tells us that duty is "something that one is expected or required to do by moral or legal obligation" but my gripe is with the lack of moral duty people seem to feel. When you have dependents or people who rely on you, duty makes them first. Your feelings should be second to those who have no option. An example would be the horrible experience of having to put a pet to sleep. Duty dictates that we should sit with the pet quietly while the vet administers the injection, cooing softly to them, even when all we want to do is sob like a 3yr old. The pet deserves to go out as calmly as possible. If we can't do it, then we shouldn't be there for the last moments. It's UNFAIR to make the animal suffer our feelings at that time.

Respect - Dictionary.com tells us that respect is "esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability" and I guess my definition would be a slightly more watered down version of that. By respect, I mean respect for everyone. I was recently was standing in a queue and had someone cut in front of me. I knew it was happening and let her make her moves amusedly as I was in no rush. She was an older woman and clearly had a sense of entitlement, that she deserved to move to the front but in doing so showed me a complete lack of respect as a person. Simple things like holding a door for someone shows respect.

Today's society seems hellbent on instant gratification. There doesn't seem to be a sense of honour and duty in going through due process to get something you want or respect for those who have worked harder for something or are more deserved than you.

I recently had a woman declare down her nose to a room that she felt the fact that I needed a second interview "disrespectful" and didn't I agree? I told her no, that the interview process was due process. Her commenting on my interviews was disrepectful as she didn't know me and, secondly, extending her sense of entitlement to me was bordering on rude. That she expected instant gratification after one interview annoyed me. 

Instant gratification is best illustrated by the concept of picking up. You go out to a club, you meet someone, you dance, you go home with them and have sex. That's it. Instant gratification. There is a time and a place for instant gratification but when it's used in such abundance, it makes everything so shallow and superficial. There's no stability, no sense of achievement or lasting gratification.

I'm all for seizing opportunities and taking life by the throat but I don't see constantly doing things because they feel good is doing that. What about things that feel RIGHT? Have you ever regretted doing the RIGHT thing?

There are pockets of rebels who still illustrate the old-fashioned aspects of honour, respect and duty but alas, they are few and far between and I lament the loss of these attributes from the general population. Instead, they've been replaced with senses of entitlement and the drive for instant gratification.

You do not inherently have the right to do anything you want and sometimes, you have to wait. Get over it!